Don’t just sit there get off your ass and start getting creative. Thats what I have decided to do so come along with me as I go for a walk in the woods to have a good talk to myself and try to find some inspiration.
I hope this will be one of many Vlog type posts that will see me explore a few things creative and not, and I am just as interested to see where this goes as … well.. I hope some of you are too.
Why do i want to be more creative?
I remember when I was a kid having a crazy wild imagination and whole worlds of fantasy living inside my head, from robots, dragons, orcs and care bears and slowly as I got older I was told they were silly, or stop being childish, its time to grow up.
The few times I played roll playing games as a teenager I loved it, until my self-esteem told me that I could not be seen as a nerd or a stupid kid so I let it pass and I regret it.
It’s ok if you are a writer or artist to have a wild imagination “oh I know he’s a crazy son of a bitch but its ok he’s a writer, yar head full of all sorts you know, genius some say’.
I think I have been working too long and hard on trying to be a business person and I feel like my fantasy brain is so underused it’s almost non functioning.
When it was strong I would feel comfortable letting it run off and do its own thing but now i must keep it grounded, real, and less frivolous, I have bills to pay and other responsibilities.
I would have loved to have been an actor and playing all sorts of characters. I was always picked for the main parts in school plays in the early years, yet after being laugh at most of my time in school for not being very good for reading out loud, spelling or language in general, I was too afraid to ever want to do that in front of people. What’s the first thing an actor gets asked to do? A read through with other actors or they get handed a script in an audition and told to ‘just go for it’. Curse my brain, why don’t you work properly, or why wasn’t I more self aware at that time to want to get better rather than just being angry at my self and everyone telling me i should be better than this.
Mostly i would have loved to have been a creature actor, not needing to speak but could really get in to the character and hide behind the mask, but not having real training it’s almost impossible to do that for a living. It’s hard enough with the training!
I think thats why I like films, books and video games too as they can take you back to those places inside your head for a while. But it’s always other peoples stories.
Wow that went deep fast and I don’t know if I will share this, but what do i have to lose no one will read it. right?
So lets, let it go a bit and see if I can get the cogs un-seized and see if I have enough courage to stoke that fire again and not only be able to contain it in to a short film each week but also have enough courage to share it with the world and not be too harsh on myself.
ok deep breath. Here we go.